Right now we're guessing... 40 weeks! (As of April 30th or May 1st, depending on LMP or first ultrasound)
Right now I'm feeling pregnant in that... there's not much else you feel on your due date, other than pregnant. Although, this chick has been WILD the past couple of days. Like crazy movement. Heartburn is pretty fierce (and made way worse by coffee which I want to drink, constantly).
Right now I'm eating... 80/20 life. We had real people donuts today and paleo pancakes yesterday. Craving fruit and juice. Even better if it's fruit juice.
Right now I'm loving... wrapping my belly.
Right now, like last time... my hand eczema is getting a little out of control.
Right now, this is different than last time in that... still pregnant on my due date.
Right now I'm looking forward to... meeting this girl!
Right now I'm reading... nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Right now I'm wearing... actually had a major win this weekend and took out the maternity clothes, left some pieces that will work for the next 2 weeks (MAX) and got out my spring/summer clothes that are postpartum and nursing friendly. Got a bag full for Goodwill and the rest packed back up in capsules. It's amazing how much taming the closet crazy tames a lot of life crazy... but I can still fit my Lularoe leggings (pictured above). Around the house I'm pretty much in leggings, my gym shorts or an oversized T. Out and about I've got a couple of maternity skinnies that fit still and a few tops. Lots of tank tops these days. Not even caring about my pregnant arms. It's too hot for life.
Right now I'm watching... rewatching Friends.
Right now I'm listening to... my "motivate" playlist which is mostly tracks from Pastor Steven and adding in some from my Gospel Bump playlist (ha). Been in the mood for motivating music to keep my mind off of everything.
Right now kinda nervous about... all the what ifs got me today! I guess it's just the unfamiliar territory of going to my due date, and then all the wondering starts to happen. Would Lincoln have cooked longer if I hadn't have had interventions? Is it actually possible for me to "go into labor" on my own without membranes stripped and Pitocin and all that? What if my labor stalls at the birth center and I have to be transferred to the hospital? What if I never "go into labor" and have to be induced at 42 weeks? What if I'm not really pregnant and this is just a joke/dream/alternate reality...? What if what if what if?
Right now kinda nervous about... all the what ifs got me today! I guess it's just the unfamiliar territory of going to my due date, and then all the wondering starts to happen. Would Lincoln have cooked longer if I hadn't have had interventions? Is it actually possible for me to "go into labor" on my own without membranes stripped and Pitocin and all that? What if my labor stalls at the birth center and I have to be transferred to the hospital? What if I never "go into labor" and have to be induced at 42 weeks? What if I'm not really pregnant and this is just a joke/dream/alternate reality...? What if what if what if?
BUT! I've refocused and bounced back from that place since earlier today. It took some tears and getting it all out, but I'm good. There's just not much you can do about the mental marathon that is the last stretch of pregnancy...
Right now celebrating... truths!
- God designed and equipped my body for this. I'll go into labor when I go into labor, maybe with help, maybe without help. Who. Knows. Not for me to worry about the how or when, my job is to show up and do a good job when it happens.
- God has Emmeline's story all mapped out and it's a good one. He knows the day, the time and how it's all gonna go down and afterwards we're gonna see the beauty in it all and I can't wait to see how he's being faithful to me now, when I am acting like a total faithless crazy person.
- This part is hard, I should give myself some grace.
- Comparison kills your calling. LB said this today at church. The context, a bit different than what he meant, but still. My calling is to be Emmeline's mama, from the moment she was conceived until the rest of forever and right now my calling is to 1) chill out, 2) keep my blood pressure and stress level at a reasonably low level 3) be patient 4) probably chill with the doughnut eating. I can't compare my birth/labor story to anyone else's on the Internet or that I know in real life. It's unique, just like my girl is, and I just have to be patient. Patient. Patient.
We also had a really fun week. A lot of it was "up in the air" because I thought I'd deliver during the week for sure, but we did a ton of fun stuff. Campus Night at Carolina Theater was amazing, Outcry was awesome... we had a super special "family weekend" and just ran errands, and hung out and enjoyed each other's company. It was super special. Maybe we'll add a lil' chica to it next weekend...
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