Right Now: 33.5 weeks!

Right now we're guessing...  33 weeks and 4 days

Right now I'm feeling pregnant in that... big third trimester belly, baby kicks and baby cartwheels

Right now I'm eating... a lot! Nausea has come back some and craving a lot of starchy carb things. A lot of gluten free bagels with goat cheese, rice with grass fed butter and salt, and cramming veggies when I can without wanting to hurl. Somewhat intermittent aversion to poultry is back, which is kind of a bummer. 

Right now I'm loving...  this season. Lincoln is so fun, work is crazy but I'm getting better about boundaries and protecting my joy, sanity and Kellie time. :) It's a CONSTANT battle and I have to be intentional, but this is the greatest. 

Right now, like last time... heartburn comes at night and has made falling asleep tricky. I have discovered though that if I stay away from coffee and chocolate after noon, it's not as bad and the lemon La Croix bubbly water stuff (but Aldi version) really helps settle things before sleeping. 

Right now, this is different than last time in that...  I feel awesome. I talked with my chiropractor about it, and there are some aches and pains that come and go, and the occasional shooting pain through all my lady parts that makes me wonder if a baby is about to slide out but I feel so good. I even had a little cold last week and I wasn't feeling 100% and wasn't sleeping great, but still bounced back pretty quickly and I feel awesome. If I'm not feeling good I can really assess: am I drinking enough water today? Do I need a good for me snack? Have I been on my feet too much, do I need to rest? and usually one of those three things helps. 

Right now I'm looking forward to...  This baby girl's birth. I tell you what, nerves for the intense pain aside, I am so looking forward to experiencing labor again a little more experienced than last time. We've never really set a number of kids that we wanted to have so this could totally be my last pregnancy, and I am savoring. It's so special, such a special season. 

Right now I'm reading...  doing the Mrs. Betterhalf study with my eGroup. I still have the rest of the Respect Dare (seriously) and Grace Not Perfection (seriously) to finish. Up next is the Bradley Method book that my friend Amber let me borrow.

Right now I'm wearing...  still quite a bit of "normal clothes". Several Lularoe leggings still fit and two friends let me borrow maternity pants (one pair of jeans, one pair of black jeans) and I'm set. My dresses fit well, skirts fit well, I have plenty of tops with room to grow-- spring weather can come back now! 

Right now I'm watching... just finished watching "White Collar" again while I worked. So good. 

Right now I'm listening to... Dave Ramsey podcast! The debt free screams are like crack to me right now. See why below...

Right now kinda nervous about...  currently in this moment, absolutely nothing. I am filled with what can only be defined as peace-- a borderline supernatural peace. 

However, a few weeks ago I started spiraling a bit down the path of anxiety over anything/everything and had a long talk with my midwife about it. After dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety after Lincoln's birth for so long without help and getting off of Zoloft during first trimester, I have been super honed in on my thoughts and feelings this pregnancy. Being alone most of the time with a toddler and working online leaves a bit of a deficit for me with "real people interaction" which is a lot of time to be alone with yourself when you've got something on your mind. There were a couple of days where I was kind of in a funk, and really wasn't excited about anything. Really looking forward to my life two months from now and beyond (having a baby, stumbling through the last month of the semester with a newborn, starting a new school year in the fall with two kids and losing my kid-free work time, and just... working and wrangling kids for the next of forever?) just exhausted me and made me feel kinda hopeless. The funk persisted for a week or so and then I had an appointment with my midwife and asked about going back on Zoloft as soon as baby is born. I really did not want to go on it during pregnancy (there are some studies about withdrawal symptoms in newborns and the potential for respiratory issues in newborns if mom is on it-- I was only on 50mg so the likelihood is super duper small for us, but I just am not cool with risking it-- period. Especially considering how difficult weaning from Zoloft was for me and the physical withdrawal symptoms). 

Side note: midwife care is amazing. She talked to me for so long about what was going on and making me feeling this way and helping me decipher between "normal" pregnancy mood swings, options for medicines during pregnancy and after that are compatible with breastfeeding, and most of all she was just so encouraging and LIFE giving. I forget that being a mom is a lot. I forget that being pregnant is a lot. I forget that working from home full time is a lot. I forget that adding any/all of these things together is a lot. She reminded me that this is a hard season filled with a lot of demands and needing medicine to help me be my best for myself, my husband, my kids (! still not used to saying that) is nothing to be ashamed of or to take lightly. There was a time where I was ashamed about being on medicine for depression and anxiety, but those days are gone, thank goodness. I could care less what others may think about me in that regard, and I honestly think more women struggle with it than admit to it and for them to hear a "me too!" is more important than anything. End sidenote. Also, get a midwife! 

Anyway-- to sum it up, she encouraged me to dry a combo of a B complex vitamin supplement and a Vitamin D supplement and within a day I could tell a BIG difference in my outlook. So crazy how it works like that. She said to keep walking and being outside (and that light therapy is good too!) and eat veggies and if I feel like Zoloft is something I want before baby comes that it would be totally fine and we'd cross that bridge when we get there. Did I mention I love midwife care? I legitimately left the appointment feeling SO LOVED. 

Right now celebrating... well, people. This is the craziest thing. According to the spreadsheets, we are going to be done with our debt (except for the house) in June. Like, this June. Like, not April, not May, but JUNE. I can't even really process this. There are a few things that have to happen, 1) we have to stay in budget (which we've already planned for excessive things we need to buy for baby, diapers, a Dock a Tot (yeah, I want one, etc)). There will be a post or a series of posts about all that, but man. What a world Emmeline Joy is going to be born into. So yeah, WE ARE CELEBRATING THAT! We planned on it being the fall, so if something changes or I end up delivering at the hospital it will be the fall, which is totally fine and amazing but man. What a journey!