Sarah | Just Because

I could go on and on and on and on and on and on about how much I adore this woman. She is one of the greatest blessings in my life and has been for over ten years now (and seriously she hasn't aged even slightly in that time. How, Sarah? How?!?) 

When I graduated from high school and was planning to attend Meredith College in the fall of 2006, I prayed fervently like I had never prayed before for a family to babysit for. Long story short, my bible study leader in the fall of 2006 sent an email to our group and said "First one to reply gets the babysitting gig!" and I was the first! I interviewed with them later that week, got the babysitting gig and could not have even imagined the role that this lady and her family would have in my life. She has been there for everything--  they literally let me live with them after I graduated in between apartments, helped me plan our wedding and celebrated with us constantly through our engagement, gave me many pre-wedding/marriage pep-talks, visited me in the hospital when I had Lincoln (and came over on Fridays for several weeks after his birth for a few hours-- LIFE GIVING THOSE FRIDAYS) and now they have the best relationship, he is seriously so in love with his Say-Say (and her husband "Matt Damon"). And those are just a few of those things. We've spent hours just chatting, texting each other until I am crying laughing.... I cannot imagine what my life would be now if this woman had not entrusted the care of her sweet babies to me all those years ago. Her friendship has been one of the greatest things about this life, that is unmistakeable. Such a gift! 

A few weeks ago I invited myself over to take pictures of her and Stanley while "Damon" (dying) and the kids were out of town. She and Stanley both are too gorgeous for more words... enjoy! 

Jonelle | Just Because + My Elevation Story

I've written some here and on social media about my kind of wacky and unique postpartum experience. It was rough times, and it was late September of 2015, that things started to calm down a bit and I started to reemerge from that season. My eczema had cleared up significantly, our marriage was strengthening, my anxiety and depression were improving and we were on the up and up. We had been attending a local church for several years and had a solid small group of other couples, but we had undeniably been feeling God pulling at us to move to a different church. Some seasons were ending in areas that we had served in, we were new parents and the time felt right for a change. Our small group was gearing up to start a new year and we felt like it was good to pull out of the group before starting a new year even before knowing where we were headed church-wise. It was kind of a fast decision, but one we both strongly felt God was guiding us to make. So, we made a list of churches in the area to visit put them in iCal for the next few Sundays and started the vetting process over again. We both had visited Elevation Church in Charlotte a few times and were longtime followers of their worship music and sermons from Pastor Steven Furtick (I actually blogged about this sermon a few months before Lincoln was born, and this sermon about fear and being brave changed my life a few months later) but having just come from a big multi-site church with many locations, I was pretty skeptical. I felt I wanted less flashy lights, big production on Sundays and just a quieter experience overall. Honestly, I was pretty not excited about finding a church. I felt like no matter what church we went to I was always disappointed in the people, and I think on some level I was just going along for the ride because I felt like I should, not because I felt like I was going to get anything from God. 

During my postpartum season, I had listened to almost every single podcast that Elevation Church put out, so I am not sure why I was so hesitant to visit in real life. We weren't even first time visitors, we had been to the Raleigh location a few times when we were off from serving at our old church, and we even left Lincoln in the nursery there for the first time ever when he was just a few months old (also, we were there on Christmas Eve a few days before he was born when my labor started). Looking back it was so clear that this is where God was sending us to be a part, I don't know why I didn't see it sooner. 

I think we visited on September 19th, on the way out of the worship experience Marshall was like "I want to go here for a while" and I agreed (again, not totally on board but he seemed convinced so I went with it). We signed up for E101 the next week to learn more about the church (except thats where you sign up to serve-- we had no idea) and then I found an eGroup that met on Friday mornings at Jubala (hellooooo my favorite coffee place!) and that's where I met Jonelle. 

I thought her eGroup had been meeting forever, but it turns out I invited myself to the first meeting ever. My first impression was what an answer to something that I had really been longing for but not really said anything about to God, or anyone else. I had an overwhelmingly large and supportive community of moms already. Our previous small group, local friends, my sister... I had a ton and I was kind of mommed out. I was growing tired of spending time with other moms, conversations completely dominated by nap schedules, breastfeeding woes and nighttime baby sleep. I was craving real conversation, about what was going on in my life and in theirs, things they really struggled with (not related to baby sleep) and coming out of one of the hardest seasons of my life, I was just really lonely. Sitting around the table was women in a variety of life stages and it was glorious. Jonelle is a mom of girls that are teenagers (and now with one in college) and of the other women some were moms of elementary, middle or high school kids, some were single, some were college girls themselves and it was just as my heart had desired. 

Another thing that literally took my breath away for a second, was the fact that out of a group of maybe 10 ladies, I was one of I think three that were white. After the UMC shooting in Charleston, Pastor Steven preached an unforgettable message titled "It's In Your Hands" about racism that changed everything for me. I've had black friends, Hispanic friends, Asian friends, Muslim friends throughout my lifetime, but at that current season in my life literally everyone I knew and interacted with on a regular basis was white-- just like me, and just like Lincoln. My heart was not comfortable when I realized that. In the sermon he talked about that it is OUR JOB to raise the next generation without the racism of our previous generations. It ends with us. It changed everything for me. Our neighbors were black and we didn't even know their names and had lived beside them for years. Our church was majority white, our small group was 100% white. Every kid that we were friends with at the time was white. How could I teach my child that other people maybe different colors but are the same as us-- loved, chosen, wanted, and valued by God-- if we literally never interacted with anyone that looked different from us? I couldn't imagine waiting until he was in kindergarten for him to meet a diverse group of people. Diverse immediately skyrocketed to the top of my list when we decided to look for a new church. So, when I got to eGroup and I looked around the table I knew that God was with me there, and this is where the future was for us. Our big mighty God that created all the things shows up in the tiniest of details in our prayers, hearts and thoughts and it is the greatest. He wants great things for us, for us to do great things and it is never too late to get started. 

So, back to Jonelle. We hit it off immediately, and after talking to her some the following Sunday at church we discovered that we both had been dabbling in the paleo and autoimmune paleo diet (literally I had not met any actual person in real life at that point that had either heard of it, or wasn't a total skeptical about the whole "gluten free craze") for a variety of conditions, one of which was eyelid eczema that I really thought I was the only one in the world that had that! Talk about a me too! moment. The more we got to know each other, the more it became clear that we were family through and through. This woman is so special to me! And being in her eGroup was such a gift and the doorway to what would become a seemingly endless stream of blessings flowing from this church into our lives as sermons, people, serving opportunities, the stories we get to witness and be part of.. it's unreal how we see God moving literally on a daily basis through connections we've made at this church. As Lincoln got older it got more difficult to get to eGroup (and to stay the entirety of the time) but I still consider myself to be a part and I honestly doubt I'll ever leave... 

This woman's beauty is breathtaking inside and out, I am beyond grateful that we get to share in this season together! We met one chilly day at Sola in Raleigh for some fun headshots for blog things to come for her (she's an avid and talented writer, in addition to all the other things that she rocks at....) and it was a total blast standing on stuff and climbing around the tables like we were the only people in there (we weren't). Thankful barely covers it. So thankful for this family. 

Just Because | Steph + Ben

So, being a mom is tough.  Figuring out what your place in the world is is tough. Finding balance in the tension of being a mother and having a career is tough.

Lincoln was a newborn when I resigned from my teaching job for the coming school year. I was supposed to be excited to have the opportunity to work from home and be with my baby all the time, but it was such an unfamiliar thing I was really not as thrilled as I thought I would be when I signed my resignation letter. There was so much unknown and comments made by co-workers and friends ("oh it must be so nice to be able to stay at home....") that made me think I was surrendering a hardworking life for a glorified maternity leave-- except permanent. 

I remember tearfully telling Marshall… ”—but I don’t want to be just a mom! I thought there was more for me!”  I felt like I needed to start a business, write a book, do something big. Little did I realize at the time, that raising that tiny person into a  full grown human being is one of the biggest things I'll ever do. It's not glamorous. It doesn't gain a lot of followers. There's a lot of poop, boogers, squashed bananas in places there shouldn't be squashed bananas, and lately, singing the songs to Frozen more times than I've ever wanted to (that's my own fault-- who showed him Frozen? Me. I did.). It's taken time, almost two years, and I can't say I don't wonder what it would be like to still be working in a school (versus a virtual one) or running a business or writing a book, or going "viral" or whatever, but more days than not I find my heart and soul to be very content doing what I was designed best to do: be Lincoln's mom. Most days, I kinda rock at it. Not in a perfect, make-all-the-right-decisions way, but in that I recognize the weight of what I'm doing. It's big. I don't love it twenty four/ seven, but there are moments-- many of them-- when the joy just catches me by surprise and I thank God that this is where he put me, even though I was reluctant. There are some freaking hard days, but there are really great days too. And those hard days aren't all bad, just hard. Getting to this place hasn't been easy (actually, it was the worst summer and subsequent six months of my life adjusting) but it's been so worth it, and my perspective on everything is so different. I could not be more grateful. (If you aren't familiar with my postpartum depression/anxiety/eczema explosion story you can read it here and my thoughts on being "just a mom" here). 

Okay, enough about my experience and exploiting a friend's beautiful photos to share my thoughts on the complexity of mommy societal expectations. Another day, another post... 

Not to quote the title of my blog but this girl and I? We are handpicked. Like, from day one God had us in mind to be friends. We met in 2013 when Marshall and I visited our first small group at The Summit. We bonded over photography, our love for chocolate pastries and Paris, coffee and kitchen aid mixers, like all in the first 10 minutes of meeting each other. The rest is history. We didn't know it at the time, but we had lived in the same neighborhood, literally down the street from each other, and then they moved out to the country but were still within a reasonable driving distance from our house. This lady loves so selflessly. The way she serves her husband and family is admirable. She's like me, into a little bit of everything. We love music, crafting, Jesus, leggings, coffee, photography, etc. Samesies. 

She and her husband worked their booties off the first year and some of Ben's life to pay off their debt so she could be at home with him and pour all her time into her photography business. In December she celebrated her last day of her day job and is officially a full time mama and small business owner and I asked her if I could come over and document this sweet time and transition. It's hard when you're in it to see how sweet it is. These photos are just so special and remind me so much of me and my own sweet boy. There is something so magical, just so so so magical about those everyday things. Making coffee. Playing trains. Eating breakfast together. Reading books. Getting dressed. Diaper changes. Some days its so monotonous, but before you know it they're reading their own books, feeding themselves and NOT throwing it on the floor (right? RIGHT?!), and using the potty (or so I've heard). It's hard adjusting to the slow life and being on toddler time, especially when you've been going 1,000 miles an hour and accomplishing more things before the sun is up than some people do all day.... for most of your life. 

But this girl? She rocks it. She rocks being Ben's mama. He's the sweetest little kid in the whole world (even compared to my own) and loves to snuggle and show affection, and I just love it. Even to me. Gives me hugs every time he sees me. Every time! I just love him and could eat him up! Now that she's more flexible during the day we get to see each other a lot (like once a week!) and it makes me so happy. It's like a promise fulfilled on so many fronts. I was so lonely and lost and confused in those early baby days, and begged God for community. Every time we see each other is just such a big reminder of God's faithfulness in his timing in the big things and in the small. Thank you for having me over (ahem-- letting me invite myself over) Steph and Ben! It was such a joy to be part of your morning.